Im getting fedup and physically and mentally sick of this, i do everything im supposed to do, it take my medication, i try to keep good sleep patterns, i try to eat well, i dont do drugs, ive cut my alcohol intake down by a hell of alot in order to not relapse all over again, and bam its happend again, yeah i think the manic episode i had a few weeks ago was the trigger then afterwards for my depressive episode, i know from the past after a high episode i always come crashing down, but in the past i have not tried to avoid it ive jus moped around.

This timke after i came out of hospital after being in a psychotic manic episode i did everything right, i was adgitated for a few days after the manic but thats normal for me i always get like that, i got myself ready everyday, started writing a diary, i then went out and about but didnt push myself to hard, then i gradually starting sleeping a hell of alot, had no energy but didnt have the extreme feelings of guilt worthlessness hopefullness and the feelings im never going to get better, i thought i was just catching up from mania, after not sleeping 4 6 days, i know litrally cannot do anything, i refuse to go to college and i used to love college, best thing in my life, and i never was scared to go i use dto love it in normal mood and manic.

I know cannot face going, anxity is rawing, i cant stop crying, self harm has returned but alot worse, i can barley move my arms alot they hurt so much, i feel no interest in anything at all, my appetite is slowly going, sleep is way over than normal, my energy levels have gone, i went into college for an hour today to talk to my teacher who knows the situation etc, and she was asking me what i wanted to do, giving me loads of ideas etc, and they all just had no meaning, i felt distance her voice sounded distand like in slow motion and i ws there but my mind was somewhere else thinking about everything, suicide thoughts are there, im not going todo anything drastic again like last time, i need to focus and stop thinking suicide i just self harm to hell instead to block these thoughts. I dont want the psychosis to interveen again i always get real bad paranoia and delusional about it.

I know theres nothing i can do, i have to grim and bare it until my messed up brain decides to swing me out of it, and how long thats going to be i dont know? I had a real bad depressive episode over christmas and was hospitalized for it, then a manic last month and was hospitalized for that too. Im just getting sick of it. i dunoo what to do, im seeing my psych tomorrow and my GP on wensday so i know there going to know whats wrong, my mum wil of contacting them as shes very concernd etc.

I just i duno, i did everything write and yet ive still come crashing down, im on quetiapine 400 mg twice a day, and i cant take anti depressants because they trigger my mania, i want my psych to put me on a proper mood staberlizer and sort me out for good, ive been on so many meds and not have worked so far, they have all been anti psychotics or anti depressants, once mood stabzlizer carbamazepine that didnt work either but i wasnt on that for long and my psychosis came back on it.

What suggestions do any of you have for a good medication? and how should i ask him about it? He has mentioed valporate and lithium or somthing, and said they dont use it as first hand treatment at my age ive only just turned 18, but because i have psycoitc symptons too, i dunoo?

Please advise me and help me.

Tags: alcohol intake, alot, anxity, appetite, bam, barley, best thing in my life, depressive episode, energy levels, extreme feelings, feelings of guilt, good sleep, happend, last time, manic episode, self harm, sleep patterns, slow motion, timke, worthlessness